Anger Tales

Anger may be a two-syllable word, but I believe it has the power to break even the strongest relationships between two people. Those who’ve known me for the last couple of years might see me as a calm person who doesn’t show many emotions outwardly. Those for over a decade would probably describe me as someone who loses their temper every now and then - sometimes on a large scale. And people from my childhood would definitely stamp me as a short-tempered, angry person through and through. (Here, I am confined to only one emotion of mine; anger - as my defining trait. I am funny as hell as well, but that is out of scope for now.)

Let me take you through a few scenarios from my life to explain my journey with anger and how I’ve learned to manage it.

The Angry Persona

During my early schooling, I was mischievous, often on my class’s hit list for various antics. One day, I was cast in a school drama to play the role of Sage Vasistha, known for his wisdom and calm demeanor. Despite my best efforts, the teachers weren’t satisfied with my performance.

One of them came to me and said, “You’re not fit for this role, but there’s another role where you’d excel - Vishwamitra, the angry sage.” They explained that Vishwamitra’s anger carried weight and depth, and I would be perfect for it because of my natural temper. That moment was an eye-opener. I realized how others saw me - as someone defined by my temper even as a child. Until then, I hadn’t realized I had that emotion in surplus.

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The Reckless Years

In early college, I carried that anger persona with me, and my temper escalated further. One of my friends even nicknamed me the Angry Young Man. My temper was quick, and I’d get irritated over the smallest things. My deep, commanding voice often intimidated those around me, even my parents

One day, I got into a heated argument with my math lecturer. I was so out of control that I removed my watch, handed it to a friend, and marched toward him, ready for a confrontation. At the time, I felt heroic. But now, looking back, I realize it was one of the lowest moments in my life. Anger blinded me to respect and reason.

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Losing what Matters

A few years back, I had a feud with my best friend. I was furious about a life-changing decision he made without discussing it with me. My anger consumed me, and we didn’t speak for almost a year - mostly because I ignored their attempts to reach out.

Looking back, I regret the lost time. Thankfully, we’ve reconciled now. But had it been someone else, I might have lost that relationship forever. I’m sure I’ve lost a few relationships to my anger, and to those I’ve hurt, I want to say: I’m sorry. To everyone reading this now, I value and respect our relationship deeply.

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Reflection and Growth

When I look back at the old days, most people in my life agreed with me to some extent, whether they were friends, classmates, or even my parents. Back then, I thought they feared me and respected me out of fear. Now, I understand: they simply didn’t want to engage in unnecessary fights. They probably chose to avoid conflict, thinking, “Why bother with this guy?” 

Sometimes, I miss that angry version of myself because it gave me a false sense of control. But most of the time, I regret it. I’ve often vented my anger on my parents, the only people who tolerated it. At night, lying in bed, I’d replay those moments in my head, wishing I’d handled them better. I’d feel sorry but rarely express it.

To anyone struggling with anger, I suggest this: If you’ve lashed out at someone, once you’ve calmed down, take a moment to apologize. A simple apology can heal wounds and rebuild trust. After all, one fight shouldn’t break a relationship. If it does, perhaps it wasn’t a strong relationship to begin with.

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Managing Anger: My Approach

Managing anger isn’t easy, but here’s what works for me and might work for you as well:

1. Count backward from 5 before Responding: This pause allows your mind to cool down and process the situation. Even after practicing this, if you still feel the same anger, avoid acting on it immediately.
2. Redirect your Energy Elsewhere: When I am angry about something or someone, I channel my anger into activities like working out or taking a walk. Engaging in something else helps me get away from that emotion. 
3. Ask Yourself - Is It Worth It?: Most of our anger is fleeting. I know that letting it out often leads to regret later. So, I ask myself: Is it really worth expressing this anger before acting on it?

For example, just today, I ran into a friend I had planned to meet. They had canceled on me, citing an emergency. Yet, I saw them with someone else. My initial reaction was fury and I wanted to cancel my future visit to their place, but I didn’t act on it. I reminded myself that my love and affection for them are greater than my momentary anger. 

I suggest you avoid acting on anything when you are angry. Let the moment pass, because sometimes, letting things go is the best course of action.

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The Journey

My growth has been a roller coaster. From being Short-tempered in childhood to gaining Controlled temper as an adult, and now, being close to having Almost Near Zero Temper, it’s been a long road.

As the saying goes, “For every one minute of anger, we lose 60 seconds of happiness.”

Don’t let anger rob you of your peace and joy. Your life is too short for that.